Another Decision

It is the time of year again when we are asked to make a decision that answers a very big question: Do you want to stay and teach for another year?

I have decided not to. This is my second year working at Abundant Life Christian Schools in La Unión, Honduras, and I feel that my time is up.

When I think back to the moment I walked out of my initial interview with Jake, I could not have imagined what God had planned for me. It quickly became clear to me that this was the job God wanted me to pursue as I met new people who helped me with the transition, and I received incredible support from family and friends. Throughout both years the Lord continued to reveal himself through this job and I found myself more and more in awe with my incredible Father. It’s all in His timing and part of His perfect plan, right? His blessings and my ah-ha moments are endless but believe me, I can confidently look back on my time teaching here and know that I was exactly where God wanted/needed me, and my time was very well-served in this country.

I love my job. My students have captured my heart and I am not fully convinced that I will ever teach students who compare. They are adorable and loving (in ways that I do not deserve), and smart and ambitious to achieve brighter futures. For the vast majority of them, this education is their ticket out of La Unión to continue learning and growing; it is our hope that they then return to La Unión and pass on their knowledge to change the futures of others in return. They have been my reason for staying here and my daily motivation to persevere through life in a third-world country. My students have gone above and beyond my expectations and made this job immensely rewarding.

The job itself has provided me with an incredibly unique opportunity to start off my teaching career with. I am grateful to have had a lot of grace when I make mistakes, a lot of flexibility as I grow through trial and error, and a laid back environment where students forgive me quickly. Although I am primarily the 3^rd grade teacher, I have had the blessing of getting a chance to teach at the secondary level thus expanding my experiences. My skills have been pushed to extremes while trying to meet the needs of these students. I have been forced to become creative with classroom materials, lesson activities, and projects (without any aid from technology). I have had to re-write the curriculum and develop my own lessons that still cover the material students need to know. And I have had to become very flexible with ever-changing plans, limited resources, no substitute teachers on-hand, and cultural differences.

While all of these things have contributed to me growing vastly as a teacher in some areas, and allowing me to stand-out against other teachers with this unique experience/skill-set, I am discovering that I also feel like it has inhibited me in other areas. That is my primary reason for deciding to leave and return back to the States. Since teaching is the career that I am called into, I find myself deeply longing for a work place that fosters my growth as a professional rather than leaving me to figure things out on my own. My co-workers have always been exceptional and huge blessings, but they can only provide so much support – it’s not that they do not want to help, it’s often that they cannot. I desire to collaborate with other 3^rd grade teachers, math teachers, or even Spanish teachers (for the future) who know the situation and/or students better. It’s those kinds of seasoned co-workers that can offer experience-based advice that is more specific to my concerns. I also wish for more support from my administration. On a whole-school level, communication from the head-honchos is not ideal and we are often alerted of their decisions at the last minute. At my school, it would be nice to have a principal who speaks English in order to accurately supervise/observe me and offer constructive feedback to help me make appropriate changes or focus on certain positives.

There are too many moments when I am reminded that I very much work in a third-world country and it frustrates me. I have no standards to follow or anyone checking on me to make sure my students are reaching certain goals or educational milestones. And honestly, the curriculum is not my favorite to begin with so I am constantly changing it, unsupervised. I do not know how to incorporate technology into my classroom because the lights overhead are the best that I have. Even with the little technology available to us, that I rely on (mainly machines like the copier), I cannot control the power or their functionality so when they fail spontaneously, I feel desperate and helpless. As well, I often find myself being stretched beyond my limits with the amount of classes I already teach and then am asked to step-in and cover when someone is gone, or the extracurricular activities that are non-optional for me to participate in. My patience is constantly being pushed to the limits (God must love testing me that way) and it does not always feel necessary.

With those things being said, I still cannot speak highly enough about my two years in Honduras. Without an ounce of doubt, I will always look back on this time with a huge smile on my face and have a deep desire to return and hug my kiddos again. I think about really leaving (aka not definitely seeing those precious faces within the next year) and my heart starts to ache. I know it will be more than challenging to walk away but I know that the Lord will continue to provide for them and they will achieve incredible things, with or without me. There will be many more teachers that pass through their lives; I can only hope they never forget “Miss O.”! I will cling dearly to the relationships I have built here and the people that are going to stay for a big longer, just to keep in touch with the little ones I am leaving behind. As much as I have impacted their lives (hopefully for the better, and not traumatized them), they have been even bigger blessings in mine.

Thankfully I still have two more months of school so until then, I will cherish every moment with my nuggets. I will cling to their hands a little longer each day, give them an extra kiss, find ways to hear their giggles and reveal their toothless grins, and hold onto their little arms wrapped around me.

Please be praying for me as I look for a job back home. It is my heart’s desire to move back to Colorado and be close to my family – it’s been six years since I have lived at home and it is definitely time for me to go back. I am confident that the Lord has the perfect job planned for me, but it’s all part of his timing for when I find about that job. Pray that I have patience throughout the search and am actively seeking his guidance. Pray for confidence as I partake in interviews and send samples of my professional work to schools. Pray that He gives me the wisdom when it comes down to it on where to accept a position. And until that decision is clear, may I just fully enjoy my final months here surrounded by the students who are my reason for working every day and fill my life with too much joy!