T.I.H.

The Abundant Life teachers have come up with a saying around here: T.I.H. When something happens that we can’t really logically explain or that we find rather unordinary, we say T.I.H. This is Honduras. We figure that there is no true explanation other than that we are in a new culture where somehow what happened is socially acceptable in this country. This helps us keep a good sense of humor because we just laugh it off and shrug, T.I.H. Let me further explain it with my afternoon yesterday…

1. For whatever unknown reason a swarm of bees decided to make their home in a rafter just outside the 11^th grade classroom. They weren’t making a hive or anything like that but rather were oddly all landing on the rafter and sticking there. There was just a black, buzzing mass on the rafters. So after school, the handyman took charge of getting rid of them. Twice, he constructed this torch of death by wrapping a bundle of wood around a long pole and soaking that in gasoline. Then he lit the wood on fire and lifted the flames up to the rafters. The bees were either burned instantly or smoked out. Of course this sent the bees furiously flying away so I had to protect myself with my books and swat at them so I wouldn’t get stung. Also, a few of my students were still around and they thought it would be great fun to chase after the bees and trying to kill them in their smoky stupor… they quickly learned how angry those bees were and that mad bees like to sting. Oops!

2. As I was walking home from school, I ran into the crazy lady who asked to borrow money from me a while ago. Now, I was with two of my students so I was desperately hoping that she would not bother me. Such wishful thinking. Sure enough she stopped me and shooed away my two little ones. Then she dropped her voice and began her ‘business talk’ with me. I pretended to not understand her and not remember our last encounter, hopefully avoiding it altogether so she would let me keep walking. Nope, she was too persistent. This time she asked me to lend her 3,000 Lempiras! I was so blown away! Not only had I denied her last time, and I was playing stupid this time, but now she had the nerve to ask me for even more! I simply looked at her with shock and disbelief, and told her that not only did I not have the money but there is no way I would give it to her.

3. This one takes the cake: last night one of the other non-teacher gringos in town, Mike, was making his rounds and saying goodbye to everyone because he left (for good) this morning. He stopped by our house and usually when someone is over, we just leave the door open. It wasn’t long until a woman poked her head over our fence and said “allí están.” This means, “there they are,” so naturally I thought she was looking for either Mike, who had just walked in, or Heather, who was here last year and is involved with various activities in the community. This woman had on a Jesus shirt, a rosary, and some prayer beads so I thought she was going to come evangelize to us and/or ask us for money. She was acting really weird and twitching a lot so then my mind changed to the idea that maybe she was possessed, by the holy spirit or demons (you choose), at the moment and was going to start speaking in tongues or something. What happened next was NOT what I would have ever expected… She took her shirt off! In the middle of our living room, with the door wide open, in front of people she didn’t know! Thankfully she had a bra on, and I was prepared to physically push her out of the house if anything else came off. Every single one of our jaws hit the floor. I was terrified and amused at the same. And, excuse my language, but all I could think was, “What the hell is going on?!” Because I was paralyzed with disbelief, I didn’t catch everything she said to us, but it was something like this over and over again: “I know it’s a sin to be naked but I have God in my heart so I am not sinning. He has sent me here with an important question for you, so please if you could help me figure something out. I know it’s shocking for you to see me standing here, but I must ask you this question.” I wish I could say that she had a very legitimate question that warranted her taking off her shirt, but sadly friends, I cannot. She wanted me to translate the tag on her shirt for her so she leaned her nearly naked body over me and held it out for me to read. However, when I went to go read it, it was already in Spanish! I kept looking at Heather and Mike for some kind of help or answer as to what was happening, but Mike was staring at the ceiling and Heather’s was too busy picking her jaw up from the floor. What other choice did I have but to answer the poor woman’s question? I told her that it was already in Spanish and read, “hecho en Haiti” which means “made in Haiti.” Feeling past the point of uncomfortable now, she agreed and then pointed to another part of the tag that she needed help understanding. So I looked at it and translated “XL” as “extra grande” for her. Then she sighed with relief and put her shirt back on. Yup, that is what she wanted me to do for her – tell her that her shirt was an extra large. Heather and I both quickly got up to imply that we were ready for her to go, but before leaving she had one more thing to say: she looked at Heather and said, “I know it is shocking for you to see me like this, but at least it’s not as bad as going out in short shorts.” What good advice seeing as Heather was in jeans and a sweatshirt and doesn’t even own a pair of short shorts here in Honduras. As I was ushering her out of the door, I started to close it and she told me, “No! Don’t close the door. You don’t need to do that! Just leave it open.” I wanted to scream at her, “are you kidding me?! After YOU walked in? I am never leaving my door open again!”

T.I.H.